Review: Clash of the Titans

 

Clash of the Titans

OPENING: 04/02/2010

STUDIO: Warner Bros.

RUN TIME: 118 min

ACCOMPLICES:
Trailer, Official Site

The Charge
The heavens raise hell…

Opening Statement
I suppose the best way to sum up Warner Bros.’ new blockbuster Clash of the Titans is mindless, heedless material. Often sloppy and often boring, the biggest clash in this movie is that despite its decent effects and action sequences, the rest of the movie is a snooze-fest completely devoid of any depth or notable performances whatsoever.

Facts of the Case
Perseus (Sam Worthington, Avatar) has never known his true background. He has no idea that he is the son of Zeus (Liam Neeson, Ponyo) and Danae. He has no idea of the power and gifts he possess being the demigod son of the most powerful Greek God ever. All he knows is when he was an infant he was found floating in the ocean in a casket with his mothers dead body, and the man who found him, Spyros (Peter Postlethwaithe, Solomon Kane), raised and has loved him ever since. However, while on a family outing on the sea, Perseus and his family witness soldiers destroying a statue of the mighty Zeus, in essence declaring war on the Greek Gods. Almost immediately, Hades responds in big way, summoning the ferocious Kraken to retaliate. Unfortunately, Perseus’ entire family, excluding him, are murdered by the Kraken as well, much to his devastation. Perseus is found by the surviving group of soldiers, and eventually learns that he himself is a demigod. He enlists with the soldiers, and vows to avenge the murders of his family within the ten day window the Gods grant the people of Argos to repent and show remorse for the disrespectful attitudes they hold towards the mighty rulers.

The Evidence
Geez Louise. After all of the grandeur and all of the magnificence that was shown in the trailer from a special effects point of view, I thought this film would completely amaze the hell out of me, and have me leaving the theatre in a pumped up, hyperactive sort of mood. I have two words about that: Complete. Opposite.

This film was a gigantic letdown, there were so many flaws in it I’m not entirely sure where I should begin. I’ll start with the most obvious: it is boring. Not kidding, this film for about 60% of the time was extremely mind-numbing. If there wasn’t some sort of action sequence occurring on the screen, and the characters were just traveling and talking to one another, the film was incredibly tedious, and I dare anyone to argue against that. Not all films have this kind of problem, it doesn’t take a movie like Rambo to be entertaining when it comes to action and adventure. Look at the Harry Potter movies for example. The majority of those films are walk and talk scenes, but the difference between a film like that and Clash of the Titans is the necessity of such scenes. The scenes such as those in Harry Potter provoke intrigue and plot buildup. The only things the scenes in this movie built up were dreams and snores. Believe me, this film was unimaginably dull.

The acting didn’t help the Interesting Meter to rise very high at all. You think Greek Gods, you think charisma, adventurous, and allure; do you not? You’re not going to get that in this movie. Neeson and Ralph Fiennes (The Hurt Locker) were kind of unenthusiastic, and I thought both of them could’ve done better with the roles they were given. As for Sam Worthington, I don’t know what I think of him yet. In both this, and Avatar, I felt the performances he put on were too drippy. I get no excitement out of seeing him on the screen. I don’t see him panning out to be one of those actors who will headline a movie and be a draw; like Johnny Depp, George Clooney, and Brad Pitt.

I also take issue with the story surrounding Clash of the Titans. It’s really, really shallow, void of any sort of depth. The people of Argos don’t respect the Gods, the Gods get mad and demand a bunch of sorrys. Perseus’ family gets killed, so he wants revenge. More or less, that’s the movie in a nutshell. For those of you expecting a movie you’ll be able to scrutinize and reflect upon once it’s over, stay away from this picture by all means! The only people I see enjoying this film are the ones who only want interesting looking CGI action. If you don’t mind paying full price for a film that’s not even halfway interesting, by all means go and see Clash of the Titans. However, if you’re looking for a movie where you don’t have to click the switch to your brain into the off position, stay the flip away from this God-awful movie.

Closing Statement
Clash of the Titans’ trailers did it a great service by showing cool monsters and fast paced action every single second. Good thinking Warner Bros., because if they went and showed the scenes that didn’t include monster slaying in it, then maybe the Titan-sized profit they made this weekend would’ve been as imaginary as the Kraken, the Greek Gods, the city of Argos, oh, and the illusion that Warner Bros. created through its trailers making me think that Clash of the Titans would be a good movie. Got me!

The Verdict
2/10

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