Cinema Verdict Review: The A-Team

The A-Team

OPENING: 06/11/2010

STUDIO: Fox

RUN TIME: 118 min

ACCOMPLICES:
Trailer, Official Site

The Charge
There is No Plan B

Opening Statement
The ‘80s television show The A-Team has its fans, but let’s be honest: it was always a pretty dumb show. Unsurprisingly, the dumb show has now been turned into a dumb movie.

Facts of the Case
This version of The A-Team centers on the same four characters: Hannibal (Liam Neeson, Schindler’s List), Face (Bradley Cooper, All About Steve), B.A. (Quinton “Rampage” Jackson, The Midnight Meat Train) and Murdock (Sharlto Copley, District 9). B.A. is the tough guy, Face is the ladies man, Murdock is the crazy one and Hannibal is the leader with the plan. They’re all Army Rangers, they’ve completed many successful missions together and they’re currently stationed in Iraq. Their latest mission is a very hush-hush deal: they’re supposed to find some missing monetary printing plates. Alas, the mission turns sour, the group is framed by a Blackwater-esque private organization of mercenaries and the boys are sent to prison. Now, they’re forced to escape from jail and band together once again in an action-packed attempt to clear their name.

The Evidence
I know that The A-Team will have its defenders. There are those who attempt to make a case for the film, suggesting that it’s a fun popcorn movie that you’ll love if you just turn off your brain and enjoy the ride. I wish I could agree with them, I really do. Honestly, I don’t really have a huge problem with the fact that most of what happens in this movie is either illogical or that most of the action scenes casually defy the law of physics at every opportunity. What does bother me is the fact that The A-Team feels very much like a movie simply going through the motions; cynically pushing buttons and peddling cheap nostalgia in the hopes of generating box office results.

“Overkill is underrated,” Liam Neeson gravely intones at one point, which may as well be the film’s motto. It’s one explosion after another, as the movie frantically attempts to pound the audience into submission with its endless barrage of noise and visual clutter. It’s telling that the film’s quietest moment involves a tank falling into a pond. It’s unreasonable to expect a film version of The A-Team to be particularly interesting in terms of originality, but it’s so disappointing to watch a film where it feels like no one involved really cares.

If the television show had one strength, it was that it provided entertaining characters that people cared about. No matter how stupid the show got, it was hard not to like those guys. Alas, the film version never really gives a chance to get to know the characters or give us any reason to care about them (beyond the thin “innocent guys wrongly accused” set-up which is supposed to play on our built-in fondness for justice). We merely have a collection of famous faces spewing their catch phrases over the fray. If one were to play a drinking game in which each participant would take a shot each time Liam Neeson said the word “plan,” everyone would die of alcohol poisoning. Gerald McRaney (Deadwood) tries subtlety and gets completely buried by the chaos of the film. Patrick Wilson (Watchmen) tries going over-the-top and still gets buried. Jessica Biel seems to realize that she has no other reason to exist than that the film needs an obligatory female, so she politely smiles her way through the role and undoubtedly cashed a nice check. Jon Hamm (Mad Men) turns up near the end, seeming as puzzled by the fact that he’s in the film as we are.

What really gets me is the way the film assumes a complete lack of thoughtfulness or intelligence on the part of the audience. For instance, there’s a scene in which Bradley Cooper is shuffling some plastic cups, playing that old game in which those watching attempt to guess which cup the rubber ball is underneath. Some two minutes later, we see him operating a series of cranes and shuffling three large shipping containers. He’s playing the game on a much bigger scale, obviously. This would be cute, if only the film didn’t offer us a flashback to the plastic cup scene, helpfully clueing us in to what Cooper is doing. Really? You didn’t think we would be able to figure that out on our own? This sort of behavior continues throughout, as things which are immediately obvious are nonetheless explained in explicit detail.

Closing Statement
Tedious and empty-headed, The A-Team is one of the worst films of a lackluster summer movie season. Skip it at all costs. For an acceptable substitute, consider checking out the very similar film The Losers. For a great substitute, consider Howard Hawks’ Rio Bravo, another movie about four men teaming up to battle the bad guys. Just a friendly suggestion.

The Verdict
2/10

• “”>