Review: 2012

2012

OPENING: 11/13/2009

STUDIO: Columbia Pictures

RUN TIME: 158 min

ACCOMPLICES:
Trailer, Official Site

The Charge
We Were Warned.

Opening Statement
In the wake of the somewhat dull The Day After Tomorrow and the genuinely horrible 10,000 BC, director Roland Emmerich returns to form (however silly and over-the-top that form may be) in his very expensive, very loud, and very long blockbuster 2012. It’s not a particularly good film, but you certainly get a lot of bang for your buck.

Facts of the Case
The plot (yes, there is one, believe it or not) begins with a whole lot of pseudo-scientific mumbo-jumbo about the Earth’s plates shifting due to some cataclysmic occurrence that only takes place once every 640,000 years. Slowly but surely, scientists around the globe come to the realization that the world as we know it is going to end on December 21st, 2012. World leaders are quietly informed and collectively determine they are going to keep this knowledge secret from the public, while they formulate a plan to save at least a small portion of humanity.

As time passes and doomsday grows nearer, we’re introduced to a variety of characters who will soon be forced to confront the apocalypse. The lead protagonist is Jackson Curtis (John Cusack, Say Anything), a little-read author still wounded from the dissolution of his family. Jackson’s ex-wife (Amanda Peet, The Whole Nine Yards) is allowing him to take their two young children (Liam James, Psych; Morgan Lilly, He’s Just Not That Into You) on a vacation to Yellowstone National Park. It’s there Jackson meets Charlie (Woody Harrelson, Natural Born Killers), a loopy conspiracy theorist who attempts to convince Jackson the world is coming to an end.

We also spend a great deal of time with Adrian Helmsley (Chiwetel Ejiofor, Redbelt), one of the first scientists to discover the impending apocalypse. He is a kind and decent man, constantly engaging in arguments of ethics with the cold Carl Anheuser (Oliver Platt, Year One), Adrian’s direct superior. Adrian wants nothing more than to warn humanity of the danger they are going to be facing, but he knows that to do so would potentially send the world into a panic and compromise humanity’s chances of survival. Meanwhile, the President of the United States (Danny Glover, Lethal Weapon) soberly ponders his options, while the President’s daughter (Thandie Newton, Crash) quietly travels the world attempting to collect and preserve important pieces of art and culture.

Then, on December 21st, 2012… everything blows up real good.


The Evidence
To be honest, 2012 was a little bit better than I expected. That may not be saying much, considering I expected a completely mindless slide show of special effects and explosions, but the movie manages to entertain. Yes, it’s too long and certain elements are beyond preposterous, but I actually found Roland Emmerich’s disaster-movie-to-end-all-disaster-movies very watchable.

The special effects are unquestionably the element putting butts in seats, and they certainly don’t disappoint. The scenes of mass destruction are pretty spectacular, offering enough spectacle to fill five or six standard-issue disaster movies. The amusing thing is that 2012 doesn’t belong to a single disaster subgenre; it belongs to all of them. Emmerich rips liberally from apocalyptic flicks of the past — from Deep Impact to The Poseidon Adventure — stuffing the most sensational elements into a single motion picture. Emmerich has made a career of destroying the world, but here he does so with more tenacity than ever before. And it’s nice that he picks some slightly less familiar settings upon which to wreak havoc (New York has taken a real pounding in recent years), setting his sights on Los Angeles (and Washington, Rome, India, France, and… well, you get the idea).

2012 benefits from a stellar cast that gets to do some real acting, though nobody’s going to win any awards for this thing. Cusack continues to be immensely low-key and understated, as he reaches middle age, and his subtle style lends some feeling of reality to the proceedings. Chiwetel Ejiofor gets so much screen time he could more or less be considered a co-lead, somehow managing to create a passionate character who isn’t boring. Oliver Platt bites into his villainous role with engaging sliminess, while Woody Harrelson has a lot of fun as the prophetic crackpot. Admittedly, not everyone excels. The women are unfortunately underused, particularly the wonderful Thandie Newton. And Danny Glover is simply too bland and grave as the President.

Great effects and good acting aside, I do have quite a few issues with the movie, chief among them the fact that everything is so terribly silly. Seriously, it’s kind of thrilling the first time John Cusack just barely outruns certain horrible death, but after the fifth or sixth time one begins to roll their eyes. Why must everyone always be just one step ahead of their doom? Why must every problem be solved with just one second left on the digital countdown? Why must every plane make it into the air just one second before it would have been crushed or swallowed up? If Cusack had so much as paused to sneeze, everyone surely would have died. Similar preposterousness infects the actual images of disaster, particularly the destruction of LA (so wildly goofy that numerous people at my screening laughed aloud) and the water-bound climax, in which a giant ship nearly meets its doom at the hands of both Air Force One and Mount Everest.

Emmerich could have shaved a good 20-30 minutes off the film by removing some of the pointless supporting characters. There are too many brief subplots running through the film, as bit characters are introduced early on just so we can witness various aspects of the devastation through their eyes later. Roland, we don’t need first-hand witnesses for everything. Just show us the destruction and we’ll be happy.


Closing Statement
2012 is a very silly movie, and anyone who goes in with their thinking cap on will surely find many, many flaws. Even so, I can’t say I actually disliked the film, because it delivers as an eye-popping popcorn flick. Emmerich will likely never be regarded as a great director, but I was never in doubt of what exactly was taking place on-screen, which is more than I can say for many recent blockbusters (even some of the good ones). There are a lot of superior options available in theaters right now, but you could certainly do worse than 2012.

The Verdict
6/10

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